It would be really nice to talk to you right now. You've missed a whole bunch of things. And I guess I've missed some of your stuff too. I have so many questions.
I miss someone demanding to know what's wrong when I forget to put x's at the end of texts, someone willing to listen and extract the sense from my rambling mind. I miss waking up next to you. My pillow is a poor substitute for someone who can hug back.
It might seem childish but I want you to look after me. I want you to make sure I'm okay (because I'm not). I want you to be there when I cry or feel like crying. Because I was there for you, I stood on the edge of buildings and in the middle of hurricanes. I didn't leave when things got hard.
I'll admit it, I'm a bitch. I hate that you are having a good time. On two levels. One, because it hurts and I want to be with you when you are happy. I want to be around you when you laugh and see the look on your parent's face when you talk about something you love. And two, because I want you to support me when I am sad. I want someone to be happy for as well as someone to be sad with. Maybe I wouldn't be this sad if I still had you. Who knows? Maybe I ask for too much.
All I know is that you're bloody hard to get over. And yes, I'm a dates person. So of course I remember what happened 6 months ago. I put bandaids on my heart and cried hysterically for an hour. Then I spooned you and tried to make the rest of the world go away (the mantra: we are here, we are safe, you are next to me, you love me, I love you, everything will be okay). We often joked that we were each others "cures" and although it might not have been a good long term solution, boy did you fix my symptoms.
To do list from February:
- Write your love letter
- Pack school bag
- Cover books
- Get new credit
- Buy pen for diary
- Watch Legally Blonde
- FB Clarice Bean + Da Wei
- Call Zhi Hui
I should have written more love letters because now I have no one to send them to.
Loving you, Erimentha xxx