Saturday, July 21, 2012

"You told me that it was good to be crazy."

I don't like being 18, I thought it would be good but it just made me sad. It was exhausting being cheerful and I felt like a faker. Everyone was so lovely but I just wanted to entomb myself in my doona covers.
I went to a club and tried to find myself a "lady friend" to not avail. 
I want everything to stop; the good and the bad. I've had enough of psych admissions (Her and Cheeky K) and Chinese dictations. I'm sick of smiling and being friendly around people (but I'm not very good at being sad around others). I hate everything.
My anxiety didn't even give me a break on my fucking birthday! Palpitations all day...kept waiting for a disaster that never occurred. I guess the disaster was my brain ruining my own birthday with a constant stream of: 'why aren't you happier? This should make you happy.' 
I can't live my life in Warrandyte but I can't live here either.
"Nothing changes but the motherfucking date."