For some reason when I get like this (this being very low and sad), I just want to sit with someone and say; 'god I'm so fucking sad, I'm exhausted and this sadness won't lift, the prospect of spending the rest of the evening like this freaks me out'. I want to say, 'hey, this isn't normal, is it? I shouldn't be feeling this way!'. Whisper in a sudden fit of courage, 'this isn't my situation or a chemical imbalance, there is something wrong with me. Please fix it!'.
But then my heart stops and thinks about all the hurt my friends already carry and how hard they are trying in their exams, or just to get out of bed each day, so I curl up and watch TV in 5 minute intervals (that's the only way I can keep up with the story line) and search Anna Torv on Google and try with all my might to believe the future will hold better things.
My friends don't deserve this version of myself. I told Zhi Hui I never wanted to get to this point, and I wasn't lying. February was better than this.