Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Only know your lover when you let her go.


There is no one to hug or spoon or kiss or cuddle and therefore no one to make the palpitations stop. I've tried pillows as people, an hour of the fetal position and chocolate. Nothing's working. 
 
Happy memory: having a 'team meeting' in Miri (Borneo) and shaking uncontrollably. She lent her feet against mine and held my hand to steady me. The meeting carried on as normal, except I stopped shaking and stopped being afraid to love her back. 
 
I'd be lying if I said I don't miss her, but mostly I just miss the role she played in my life. I miss how her smell felt like home, I miss having someone to say "no, you look really sexy" (and sort of believing them) and I miss talking about her. I miss her as a person, not as a lover. Somehow she got lost along the way and no ones remember the girl who loved highland cows, the colour yellow and babies in waiting rooms. She might as well be dead...