Monday, June 10, 2013

will you still love me when i've got nothing but my aching soul?

"Eternity bores me, I never wanted it." -Sylvia Plath
There is a scene in Parenthood where Adam stands watching his son, Max, jump repetitively into a puddle from height. It's dark and cold and so Zeek (the grandfather) says to Adam, "son, you've got to do something, Max is getting soaked and muddy!". Adam looks on with tears in his eyes and replies, "there's something wrong with my kid, dad. My kid is not right. There is something wrong with him...". He sinks to the ground and Max continues to jump in the puddle, mud splashing.

I wonder if my parents ever felt like that. So completely lost to the illness, so hopeless and afraid...Max's family united against his autism. My family shattered until I could barely open my mouth to speak; afraid to lift my eyes to meet theirs. It almost broke me completely. I feel so alone in this fight.

"Homunculus, I am ill. I have taken a pill to kill the thin papery feeling" -Sylvia Plath