Saturday, September 7, 2013

beautiful liar.


I've been doing a lot of conscious blocking of events between me and my ex as of late. I am so angry at him for taking advantage of my insecurities and mental deficits, eliminating my autonomy. Nothing he did was gentle or loving but I didn't care because I thought I'd be dead in a few weeks anyway...one night he looked at my scars and said, “don't worry, I don't mind that you have scars.” I just stared at him blankly. “This one looks quite deep,” he continued, but I blocked out his voice with words from my own head; “I don't give a fuck what you think! This is not about you; because my sadness - let alone my happiness - is not directly proportional to you! I want you to care about what they symbolise, I want you to care about how much I'm hurting!”. I think virginity is over emphasised, but I gave him so much more than that. I gave him painful parts of my life and he handed them back, too much.
Cognitive distortion #71: confirmed.