Monday, December 30, 2013

we built a fire.


“Perhaps most of all, though, you deserve to be okay. You deserve to know that a day in which you can just barely get out of bed because you are sad, or sick, or simply not ready to see the outside is not the end of the world. You deserve to know that moments of weakness do not make you fundamentally weak, only fundamentally human, and that sometimes we’re not going to be effusively happy, and that is okay.” —Chelsea Fagan
“The problem is that you don’t just choose recovery. You have to keep choosing recovery, over and over and over again. You have to make that choice five to six times each day. You have to make that choice even when you really don’t want to. It’s not a single choice, and it’s not easy.” —Marya Hornbacher
“Let's face it: I'm scared, scared and frozen. First, I guess I'm afraid for myself... the old primitive urge for survival. It's getting so I live every moment with terrible intensity. It all flowed over me with a screaming ache of pain... remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted. When you feel that this may be good-bye, the last time, it hits you harder.” ―Sylvia Plath
To my old friend: recovery doesn't seem to have the same meaning without you here to appreciate it with me. Get ready to grieve the undead, trust me when I say it's no fun. Yesterday was the third time in two months that I went to call someone who didn't want to be there anymore. I really hate how I'm getting used to that. I miss you like sleep; you win, I'm sadder than you.
With love, E. x