Thursday, January 30, 2014

my body is adorned with thorns.

Pro's of filing a legal suit against the Poet:
-Might help to legitimise my experiences
-Stop him from hurting others in the future
-Show him (or force him to reflect on) why his behaviour was unacceptable
-Helps to clearly communicate what I believe in; how women should be treated, equality in the justice system, healthy relationships & abusive ones
-Big 'FUCK YOU' to the men who have taken advantage of my friends in the past (both involving alcohol and lack of consent)
-Hope to others in my situation and in the future; set legal precedent for sexual assault and severe mental illness?
-Closure and recovery focused way to move on

“When I deny the seriousness of my abuse I agree with my abuser and those who wouldn't acknowledge it. When I am in denial, I have the tendency to minimize my abuse, believe the lies others have said, as well as deny it ever happened. It is important for me to remember as much detail as I can so I can trust my own perceptions of what really happened and not depend on the validations from others.” ―Patty Hilte

Con's of filing the suit:
-Could completely undermine my experience by "proving" that my mental state at the time was so poor that my judgement and ability to accurately report this crime could be undermined
-Long and gruelling process (original statement takes approximately three hours), could potentially be re-traumatising, expensive
-Would probably have to tell my story to the family and friends who I have been actively avoiding (especially my mum and mutual friends)
-Do I want to add another fucked event to my life resumé?
-Triggering and rumination of trauma; could make moving on more difficult

“The thing that most people didn't understand, if they weren't in his line if work, was that a rape victim and a victim of a fatal accident were both gone forever. The difference was that the rape victim still had to go through the motions of being alive.” ―Jodi Picoult


sabine cara said...

perhaps the fact that you've listed the pros first is an indication of which way to go. go with your gut.. are you scared of the potential trauma you may have to re-experience? is it too scary to consider following through? or is the prospect of remaining quiet even scarier? chances are.. you already know which why you want to go. just accept what you really want, and don't blame yourself for whatever you choose. whatever decision you make will be right for you, i know it.


Jamilla S said...

Ah, that's a tough decision to make. I hope that whatever you choose, will give you closure.

Niki said...

do what you think is best for one will judge you xx

dreaming is believing