Saturday, March 29, 2014

nothing’s worse than saying goodbye, it’s a little like dying.


“Well, life is about being up and being down and being able to get up again. And in my walks of life, I guess I thought I was invincible till one of my sons committed suicide. And at that point of time, I knew I wasn't invincible...I'd give up everything if we could get Michael back. He's got a special place in each and every one of the hearts of our family and he'll always be there and he'll never grow old.” —Lindsay Fox

Momentous occasions as of late...
-Officially completed 24 sessions of CAT with my therapist
-Officially move into my new place in Greenmyer Crt tomorrow
-Census date has approached and I am happy with the two subjects I am enrolled in (Aboriginal Australia and Autobiography Writing)
-Finalised and sent a letter to Adam Bandt (a local politician) about policy and funding of mental health in Victoria - complete reform, here we come!
-Haven't thrown up or skipped breakfast or dinner for over a month now; living with Kit-Cat has definitely done me good :)

I said a rather dark humoured comment to my therapist a few days ago which I wanted to record somewhere other than my head...

It's her loss, you know? It's so true what your aunty tells you at the kitchen table when you tell her the bad news; you're better off without them, love , you deserve so much betterand well then, it's their loss - these statements all ring true...she didn't want to be my friend because she couldn't cope with the idea of losing me - you know, last year when I was really unwell, I guess maybe it hit too close to home, all the friends she's lost over the years. The only thing is, by choosing to not be in my life anymore, I might as well have died. She'll have to grieve for me in a painful, awful, bizarre way...it's not fun, let me tell you. I did it with P, and I'd do it again, but it still fucking hurts. I don't know whether she understands that I've been on both sides of the impossible cliff: the losing and the lost - both are horrific and not something you'd choose to go through...I wasn't choosing to hurt her. So in the end, it really is her loss. She isn't going to see the fantastic, brilliant, strong and resilient person I grow into - because she couldn't, wouldn't stay around for the fight. And I deserve someone who will

“If the children and youth of a nation are afforded opportunity to develop their capacities to the fullest, if they are given the knowledge to understand the world and the wisdom to change it, then the prospects for the future are bright. In contrast, a society which neglects its children, however well it may function in other respects, risks eventual disorganization and demise.”
—Urie Bronfenbrenner

1 comment:

Jamilla said...

That is very sad, and yes you do deserve better than that! xx