Tuesday, August 19, 2014

i don't want to miss you like this.

Update on the crap stuff:
-I went to a sleep specialist last week who said she'd reviewed my epilepsy test results from February and they had recorded an average of 25 leg twitches per hour of sleep; so much for no evidence of any neurological or biological basis to my symptoms and blaming it on trauma/dissociation
-I miss DJM (my ever faithful GP) more than I missed my own father; I don't trust anyone else to handle my care with the same sensitivity and understanding and I'm scared to do this alone
-My lovely landlady (sarcasm) has given me till the end of November to find new accommodation (she doesn't want me to be living there next year for her daughter's year 12); this is difficult because I hate house hunting and can't seem to make up my mind about living on campus on continuing to pursue the ideal of supported family living
-My psychiatrist was so worried about me last week that he wanted to hospitalise me (or at least call the CAT team) and then less than 24 hours later, I was happily lying in bed watching Fringe with Kit-Cat; my risk fluctuates and changes so rapidly, it makes my head spin
-The more honest I am with the adults in my life, the more distance they seem to require; I was so upset a few weeks ago when my anxiety caused me to cancel on dinner with Bubbles and now I fear that she won't trust me with her children (same goes for Lis and the fam); it's so hard to balance my personal and professional image in a meaningful way