Friday, November 21, 2014

the lover's fatal identity is precisely this: i am the one who waits.


General life update:

Feeling the least suicidally motivated since, like, before feeling suicidal was normal (a crazy sentence in itself). So, what's bought this unexpected respite? Nothing really...it's not like things are particularly good or I'm even very happy. I'm just not exhausted and fed up by that sad, hopeless, overwhelming feeling (and therefore suicidal). I'm coping with everyday life and it feels good.

I'm divesting my Super fund from a greedy spineless brand to a company with ethical investments in the environment and health promotion...how's that for believing in the future? Sort of like believing the future includes me...it shouldn't be an achievement to believe you'll make it to retirement but there it is. I'm documenting it because it's true.

Then it's the little things like Friday's beautiful kids, Savi and Belle. Savi wants to marry me when he grows up and attaches himself to me like a limpet and Belle smells like newborn baby and her vocab currently consists of; Mum, Dad, hair, dog, yes and Eri...enough said. Friday has made a huge difference to my life since we met in August and it's hard not to believe in fate when I think of all the people who have appeared in my life when I needed them the most (Forerunner, Alaska, Bubbles, etc).

In other news, currently working on several creative projects with the aim of turning them into a collection/exhibition/collaboration next year in time for my 21st birthday and perhaps the National Suicide Prevention conference (held at the MONA!). My main goal at the moment is to finish sewing the Poet's t-shirt before Christmas and apply for copies of my entire medical/services records since beginning treatment for anxiety is 2010 so I can turn them into an installation art piece.

I'm really excited about uni next year and have finally finalised the transfer from OT to English. All my credit points have successfully crossed over but I still need to confirm my subject selection for 2015. My current plan is: compulsory humanities intro unit, writing fiction and child psychology in semester 1 and then linguistics, sociology of health & illness and narrative analysis in semester 2. I'm doing a literature/media summer subject in February at ACMI. Who could have thought that university, study and learning could actually be fun?!

Currently ticking off a whole bunch of  “social obligations (bad term, accurate feeling) and holding out till my IUD insertion next week. It's frustrating that fatigue still plays a major part in my life and so although I love catching up with friends individually, the endless stream of lunch dates and movie catch ups quickly becomes overwhelming. After that, I plan on staying at home with my creative projects, replying to emails, making fresh juices every morning and watching Borgen (Danish political drama) on TV until Christmas time :')

You still have time - this too passes.