Saturday, January 10, 2015

it's alright to say that death is the only thing you haven't tried.


“…throw roses into the abyss and say: ‘here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.’” —Friedrich Nietzsche

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So it's a new year - 2015 to be precise. We made it.

Here's some goals and resolutions for 2015:

Continue at university (minimum 3 subjects per semester), join a local art class (sculpture or mixed media), follow up and collect my entire medical history under the Australian Freedom of Information Act 1982, travel interstate for meaningful vacations or advocacy work, focus on the friendships worth cultivating, slowly wean down my SNRI dosage without increasing my suicidal ideation, spend more time with my grandma (running errands and helping her around the house), prioritise fresh juices every morning and healthy, raw, wholesome food in general, write a condolence letter to Oliver's mum, continue to support Garnet after her stepdad's death, attend a PD by the Australian Childhood Foundation (where I met Bubbles last year), set aside time to process, wind down and allow my thoughts to settle (aka. “practice self care”), continue to support and build on my contacts in the mental health community, dedicate time and effort to cooking good food for my housemate and vegan friendly snacks for myself and finally, see a great band or musician live for under $100 (Hozier, the Staves, Ed Sheeran or Sam Smith)

And here's how I'm turning these goals into realities:

I've already selected my subjects for 2015 (a mix of English, Sociology and Media Studies), I've paid 1/3 of an installment to a local artists studio for sculpture lessons in semester 1 (I'll be studying the human form in a series of mediums including wax, clay and metal), Emmy (the co-founder of the artists studio) has agreed to mentor me in addition to the sculpture classes and we'll meet every Saturday to discuss, plan and create pieces towards a potential exhibition (themes include; suicide, grief and loss, medicalisation of abstract concepts such as trauma, rape/sexual assault, identity and belonging) and I'm setting aside money each week for groceries (shopping at my local wholesale green grocer instead of Coles/Woolworths), cute activities with friends (visits to the museum, cinema or my favourite brunch spots) and funky clothes which make me feel babin' (accept my new bod - boobs, tum and bum!)

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“I've often worried that my own silence has helped to reinforce certain assumptions about mental illness - that recovery is impossible, or that mental illness should be kept secret.” ―Melissa Pickles