Small notes and observations:
Spending tonight missing some beautiful angel kids and teens. Sometimes I forgot the trauma piled up over other traumas and then feel terrible for not giving events and individuals the respect they deserve. I keep having nightmares about Zhi Hui who is terribly mean to me and mocks my problems, turns my friends against me or abandons me during crisis.
I wrote Oliver's mum a letter this week and I'll be mailing it soon. Befriending the bereaved feels like an old pair of jeans and this scares me. I've been searching through obituaries and death notices looking for some clue to what makes people die and what makes others want to.
I've been supporting a girl called Shia living in Residential Care close to my house. She attempted suicide last week and it was all a bit surreal. Her life reminds me of a paralleled version of mine and brings to the surface so many painful questions - we have too much in common and I ache to protect her.
No conclusions so far. More soon x